Support
by cryurname
Summary: Zoë learns to deal with the loss of someone she loved. Serenity spoilers.


Zoë lay in their bed staring up at the ceiling of their quarters. It had been one month, one entire month without him. While it had been unbearable, she had showed no signs of her inner grieving to the rest of the crew. She had always dealt with life's issues on her own; at least, until Wash had come along.

She could recall many a time when Wash had sat with her while one wound or another was bein' patched up. She had never asked him to, but he was always there for her. Nightmares of the war had also plagued her at times. And Wash would be there for her. He didn't ask any questions, he would just hold her. He didn't know this, but he had been her support. He had kept her standing. And now she was faltering.

Zoë forced herself out of her bed and started to get dressed. She left her curly hair down and slipped on a navy blue dress. She had never quite liked this dress, but Wash had told her, "Sometimes, you don't need to fight, Zo. Sometimes you just need to enjoy yourself." Zoë still didn't get it; you couldn't kick ass in a dress.

As she was walking across the room to the attached bathroom, her eyes landed on a picture on the dresser. It was a picture Kaylee had taken on Persephone one night. In it, Wash was holding Zoë and both of them had big grins on their faces. The look in Wash's eyes...she could see the love he had for her just in his eyes.

Zoë choked back a sob. "Bao bay..." She picked up the picture, her hands shaking. "I never got attached to people, Wash. People 'round me died and all I could do was watch. You were supposed to be different. My constant. Now what am I supposed to do?" She was silent for a moment before speaking again, "I'm dying inside." The picture fell to the floor, the glass frame shattering.

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The infirmary lights bounced off of the glass vial as River picked it up. "You were supposed to be different. My constant. Now what am I supposed to do?" She started to cry. "I'm dying inside." She dropped the glass vial to the floor and it shattered.

Simon watched her helplessly. River had been so much better since the Reaver attack, but she still had moments where she was...overcome with emotion. He approached her slowly, "River...?"

River suddenly snapped out of her trance. "Simon? You have to help her. She's hurt!"

"Who? Who's hurt?"

River's lips quivered as she spoke, "Zoë." Simon grabbed his med kit and ran out of the infirmary, the glass crunching underneath his shoes.

He arrived in the hallway of the crew's quarters and called out, "Zoë?" There was no response so he took the ladder down to her room. As he stepped off the last rung of the ladder, he saw Zoë kneeling over a pile of glass. He rushed over to her, checking her for cuts.

Zoë looked at him like had grown a second head. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I thought that...you aren't hurt?"

"No...what's going on, Simon?"

"Nothing. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'll just...go now." Simon, still utterly confused went back up the ladder and into the hallway. He stood there for a moment, trying to understand why River sent him to check on Zoë. And then it all started to make sense.

Simon's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Mal's boots as he entered the hallway. Mal saw the med kit in Simon's hands and asked, "Someone hurt?"

"Yes."

"And...?"

"And...there's nothing I can do about it." Simon headed back to the infirmary.

Mal stood there, completely lost. "What in the hell just happened?"

---------------

Zoë landed the shuttle and stepped outside. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the salty air. A satin blanket in her hands, she walked the sandy beach alone. Finding a perfect spot, she laid the blanket out and sat down. She took a few minutes to stare at the horizon, the sun just beginning to set. She looked across the blanket and there he was, content as ever.

"You're not really here, ya know," she stated calmly. Wash grinned his normal goofy grin, his Hawaiian shirt rumpled and untucked.

"To you I am. Isn't that all that matters?"

"I have to learn to live without you and you're not making it any easier."

"Zo, you'll never be without me."

Zoë felt tears well up in her eyes, but she forced them back down. "I have a hard time believing that. Even right now, I'm without you. I'm talking to myself."

Wash brushed a stray curl away from her face. "You know that if I could, I would tell you that's crap, lamby-toes. Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not here." Wash gave her a wry smile. "You know I never pass up a chance to see you in that dress."

Zoë couldn't help but smile as he said this. She leaned up against him, letting him support her.

"I love you, Zoë. And I'm not going anywhere. It's just like it's always been: you can't get rid of me."

Zoë laughed at first, but her laughter quickly turned to tears. "Wash, I'm so sorry, baby. I should've tried harder to save you. I shouldn't have left you behind..."

"Shh, shh. There was nothing you could do. It all happened so fast...But, I wasn't scared, you wanna know why? The last thing I saw before I died was your face; your beautiful face. And I was okay."

Zoë now let all of the emotions that she had kept bottled up tumble out of her. She laid there on the beach, crying in her lover's arms. A lover no one else could see.

-----------------

Zoë landed the shuttle and then boarded Serenity once again. As she walked to her and Wash's quarters, she heard footsteps behind her. She started to answer as she turned around, knowing exactly who it was. "Yes, sir?"

Mal gave her a small smile, almost as if they had just shared an inside joke. "Just got a wave from Badger. Seems he's got a job lined up for us. You up for doin' a job and hopefully gettin' paid?"

Zoë gave him a small smile back. "Believe it when I see it, sir."

"Should arrive in about six hours."

"Yes, sir." Zoë turned to walk away.

"Zoë?"

"Yes, sir?"

Mal paused for a moment, as if he was unsure of what to say next. "..Happy Anniversary."

"Thank you, sir." Zoë entered the hallway of the crew's quarters thinking Wash had made it just that: a happy anniversary.


End file.
